Katie Koestner answered many questions concerning the legal ramifications our boys face today with our ever changing world. Ms. Koestener is a mother of two boys and understands the tricky world we live in.
If something serious has happened in your boy world please reach out to Katie and she can give you honest information. She will guide you in the right direction.
Here are a few notes from Katie’s Talk:
~Boys learn so much from parental relationships. You are modeling communication, affection, admitting mistakes, arguing, boundaries and fun.
~Consent is permission and is needed for every step in a sexual experience. A yes to kissing does not mean a yes to sexual intercourse. Consent can withdrawn at any moment. Silence means NO. Accept rejection, do not try to convince a NO into a YES. A yes 30 minutes prior is not a current yes, need to keep asking.
~The Hookup is the HIGHEST risk activity because the two people do not know each others behaviors and it has the regret syndrome. AVOID AVOID AVOID!
~Use school email for school work. Use private email to communicate with friends and family.
~ Once alcohol is involved DO NOT get intimate.
~Boys should not buy anyone drinks, it’s too risky and could come back to haunt your boys.
~Average age for for sexual experience for boys and girls is 13 years old which means the conversations with boys need to begin earlier.
~Boys should remain neutral if one of their friends is involved in a lawsuit. Do not express any opinion because it could be used against them.
~If a teacher or a coach over hears about inappropriate behavior of any kind they have to report it.
~3 Jurisdictions that can be involved in a legal issue: Campus, Civil and Criminal
Campus: Any action that occurs on school owned or controlled property and any action that occurs off-campus but has a negative impact on the school environment.
Civil: Disputes between members of society
Criminal: State or Federal law broken
~ Good Resource for Questions: www.askalice.com
Thank you Colorado Academy for hosting this event with the MoB.
It was great to see our friends outside of the MoB, aiming to raise good boys into great men.
Define Overuse Injury & Overtraining
Review common pediatric overuse injury
Review common acute injuries
Discuss example cases
Highlight prevention, management & return
to play / return to activity guidelines
Discuss Psychology of Injury
Increase in youth sports participation§ 30-50 million/yr, ages 6-18 yrs
One sport, several teams, tournament play§ Overlapping seasons, no rest
Year-Round: No “off season”
Nearly 50% of all injuries in youth are overuse
Overuse vs Overtraining
Chronic injury presumed to result from§ constant high levels of physiologic stress
insufficient recovery time
“unresolved submaximal stress in previously normal tissues”
The 4 Stages of Overuse Injury
(1) Pain in the affected area after physical activity
(2) Pain during the activity, without restricting performance
(3) Pain during the activity that restricts performance
(4) Chronic, unremitting pain even at rest
Young Athletes and Overuse Injuries
Developing skeleton cannot handle the stress that mature bone can
Overuse injuries from repetition, intensity, and improper biomechanics
Rapid increase in activity
Lack of sport-specific skills or strength
Type A: Elite, fit, driven
The Structures at Risk
Treatment of Overuse Injuries
Identify & modify risk factors
• Relativerest/Activitymodification• Ice
Protection / Modalities
Prevention of Common Injuries
Conditioning / weights / flexibility
Proper sport technique
Proper injury treatment and rehab
Maximum sporting activity: 5 days / wk
Minimum rest: 1 day / wk
Seasonal rest: 2-3 months off / yr
Max. training increase: 10% / wk
Participate on only 1 team / season
Education : Information is Power
Three common cause of problems in injured athletes:
1. Unfamiliarity: surprises can cause doubt and anxiety.
2. Unpredictability: normal and expected events are seen as upsetting and detrimental.
3. Lack of control: they do not feel they can actively contributeandparticipateintheirrecovery. Feelingsof control lead to confidence, motivation, decreased anxiety, increasedimmuneactivityanddecreasedpain. Information can help provide a sense of control.
The Role of the Sports Medicine Professional
Providing safety and support is vital because bad feelings often leave a person feeling disempoweredor a loss of connection.
¡ There is a greater chance an athlete will talk about their fears with an athletic trainer, if they first feel that that person understands them
¡ Helping athletes regain a sense of control is an
important part of the athletic trainer’s role
Resistance to Sharing Emotions
* Athletes may be fearful of:
Being invalidated and having their feelings discounted
Being ignored and unheard
Seeing that others are burdened or hurt by their feeling
Michael Moore treated MoBsters to a special private evening in his new Cherry Creek studio. Michael has enhanced so many lives with his philosphy: make-up is simple. It is be all about YOU and not a instagram photo. Make-up is TRULY about making clients feel refreshed, uplifted, enhanced, and youthful. We were lucky enough to watch Michael’s simple make up tricks on our very own MoBsters. He showed us how to apply our makeup quick and easy! We even got names of some inexpensive makeup to buy at our local drugstore!
Continuing (or Starting) "THE Conversation":)
Tools & Tips to keep the conversation going with your boys about the good, the bad, and the taboo sides of sex!
Have you gone over the birds and the bees, and wonder what's next?
Your son’s sexuality evolves from cradle to grave. You, as his mother, have the opportunity to be one of the most important influences on his values and relationships throughout his life.
The MoB has fortunately had Auburn speak to us 3 times! She provided us with tools and tips to gain trust in ourselves as a sexpert. You will be a positive knowledgeable resource for your son to rely on.
Perhaps your son has survived the awkward hormone marinated rollercoaster of puberty and is stumbling into the onset of manhood. After all the BO and boners of adolescences, they will need your continued wisdom and guidance in this new phase of sexual and relational development.
Auburn presented the tools and language for us to share with our sons throughout their life. These continued conversations will help encourage them to develop and maintain fulfilling, consensual, and pleasurable relationship experiences.
LETS TALK BIRDS & BEES:
Its never too late to start the talk
Start with small digestible conversations (around anatomy and boundaries) These conversations will be building blocks to the more complex topics of young adulthood.
Have resources :books, youtube
MODERN DAY PORN
Talk about the internet and "adult images" before they interact with it. Help them be prepared so its not so shocking nor forbidden (shame has a funny way of creating erotic kinks- so forget shame!)
Remind them that it is fantasy and not based on reality. Bodies, genitals, positions are not necessarily realistic.
Feminist "ethical" porn shows consent, discussion on sexual health (condoms) as well as a wider variety of body types. Strange but better this than main stream madness
Everyone blooms at different rates.
Unless there is pain or poor functioning (people have different levels of readiness in being sexual, self-exploring, and shapes and sizes)
(seek a doctor/urologist/endocrinologist if persistent concerns or function)
Consent continues after the yes .... (keep checking in, dont assume anything)
We are in this together (not men against women)
Auburn R. Meisner, LCSW (licensed clinical social worker) & CST (certified sex therapist)
Auburn specializes in sex therapy for individuals, couples, and families.
She enjoys helping my clients navigate difficult topics, especially related to sex and intimacy. Auburn helps her clients discuss complex issues with more ease and confidence. It is her goal to help families and couples have more open, honest conversations regarding sex, love, gender and health.
Phone #: 720-232-0091
Niwot Office : 376 2nd Ave, Niwot, 80503
Denver Office : 1430 Larimer St, Denver, Suite 301, 80202
Body image is an issue affecting every one of our boys, regardless of their age, size, shape and weight. Each day, our sons internalize an impossible body ideal from seemingly harmless sources: peers, coaches, social media, advertisements, characters in video games and action movies, school curriculums and even comments from parents and siblings at home.
Bonnie Brennan, a nationally-recognized body image and eating disorder expert and a mother of teenage boys lead our us through a compassionate, honest exploration of the unique body image challenges facing our boys today.
Here are some highlights:
Boy’s behavior reflects their body image. Boys project how they are feeling internally by what they wear, eat, and act.
If you are concerned, then ask open ended non-judgmental questions:
~What does it feel like in your body when things are ok verses when things are not ok?
~Start sentences with I hear…. I have a thought…..
~ When there is a a situation and they are looking for your direction, resist the urge to tell them what to do (even if it seems obvious!). Instead, respond objectively with 5 statements that cover the bad and good outcomes. Helpful when you feel like you're "in the trap", when given this kind of guidance and direction, boys usually make the right decision.
i.e. Your son comes to you with a dilemma. His friend is having a New Years Eve party and his parents are allowing them to drink at their house. Your son asks you if he can go to the party.
1. You could have not told me. (Acknowledge the strength in their communication skills)
2. You could drink too much and get injured and then be out of basketball for the season.(Remind of dangers)
3. Adam is one of your good friends and I know you like hanging out with him. (Acknowledge the importance of his relationships and values)
4. Talk to Adam about what could go wrong, ie "Remember when your girlfriend got in trouble drinking at a party?" (Encourage them to explore consequences with peer)
5. Is there something else you could chose to do for New Years Eve? (Encourage them to think about other alternatives)
If your son says, “I’m fat.” respond to his words without judgment in your voice and WAIT. Silence is ok. Let him think about what you said and process it before you answer your own question!
~ I see that you are in pain.
~ I hear you saying this is hard for you.
~ When do you not feel this way?
~ Figure out what is important to your boys. Is it that they want to look like everyone else? Feel connected to others? Feel like they belong?
~ DO NOT say “Oh no you’re not. You are perfect. I love you just the way you are.” Always acknowledge their truth even if you disagree.
Bonnie Brennan’s Moments from the event to remember:
We hurt where we care. We feel pain about things that mean something to us.
You can’t feel the good without getting through the some hard times.
Don’t talk about your own body image issues. Don’t say “I am so fat” in front of your boys. Avoid talking about looking a certain way and focus on qualities you like a person like their healthy ways or strengths. Always focus on WHO you are not WHAT you are, and talk about our bodies in terms of what they can do for us (run, stretch, ski, play, climb, etc) and not what they look like.
Your boys are watching adult role models in their life for how they should feel about their bodies and what their bodies “should” look like. Small comments like, “you should do a few push up before eating that cup cake,” actually impact our boys in a HUGE WAY. Be aware of what they are hearing from you and other adults in their lives (dads, grandparents, coaches).
We all go through seasons of eating. It could be a growth spurt. The average boy will grow 12-14 inches and gain 50-60 lbs in normal puberty!
Eating habits change when used as a tool to control anxiety and/ or trauma (restricting food/calories, eliminating calories consumed through excessive exercise, vomiting, laxatives). Eating disorders are NOT about looking a certain way to make themselves attractive to girls, they are about using food as a tool to manage underlying negative feelings.
Well adjusted kids have parents who share their own stories of pain or problems. Parents who share how they overcame a hardship from the past provide a connection and an example for their boys. Showing your boys your imperfections is helpful and gives them so courage to work through their challenges.
If you have any concerns about a loved one , please contact:
The Eating Recovery Center: There are 8 centers in Denver.
Our speaker Bonnie Brennan works in the Lowry branch.:
8199 East 1st Avenue
Denver, CO 80230
MoBsters gathered at Cherry Hills Country Club to for a festive lunch. Ladies gathered before the holiday hum started for a cook book swap.